


My Kind's Your Kind

by callmejude



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Awkward First Times, First Kiss, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-31
Updated: 2014-10-31
Packaged: 2018-02-23 10:07:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2543663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callmejude/pseuds/callmejude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve's beginning to get self-conscious of the fact that he's never been kissed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Kind's Your Kind

They walk home from the date in silence until Steve finally asks, “What is it you tell these girls, anyway?”

Bucky narrows his eyes, glancing at Steve, whose eyes are glued to the pavement. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“They just never really seem prepared,” Steve says bitterly, throwing his arms up in a way that makes him look even frailer in his ratty winter jacket. “That one looked like she was gonna cry.”

Bucky frowns, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, well, she’s not worth the trouble. She and her friend were a couple of pills anyway. Good riddance.”

“You don’t have to do that for me every time,” Steve stops walking, and Bucky freezes, as if they’re attached by a string. “You don’t always have to stand up for me and lose your own dame in the process. You always insult the girl I’m with for not treating me right and then her friend gets mad and does something like throw her drink in your face.”

“Well at least the girls I pick are just as loyal as me, that’s worth sayin’ something,” Bucky says with a smirk, but Steve isn’t amused. “C’mon, Steve, you can’t expect me to just let you get snubbed and still have a good time.”

“Yes I can,” Steve grumbles, “Everybody else does.”

“Hey,” Bucky nudges his shoulder, and Steve glances up, looking pitiful. Bucky feels like it’s his fault for putting him through this again. She’s the fourth girl in a row who hasn’t even bothered to give him a chance. “Forget her. We’ll find you someone better.”

“You’re never gonna find me anyone, Buck.” Steve says, finally looking at him. He looks strangely angry, and Bucky takes a step back. “You’re only ever gonna find girls to be disappointed in me. You talk me up too much.”

“Impossible,” Bucky replies, starting forward again. “You’re a better guy than anyone I know.” Steve follows after him with a sigh.

“Right,” he says, “Sure. Do you mention to any of ‘em how I look?”

“You look fine,” Bucky answers too quickly, not bothering to look back at Steve as they keep walking, Steve having to pick up speed as Bucky stomps down the hill.

“Yeah, sure, a head and a half shorter than any girl you try and set me up with and twice as scrawny.”

“Stop it,” Bucky turns to look at him, throwing out his arm to halt Steve’s walking. “I told you quit puttin’ yourself down like that. You look fine, Steve. She just -”

“Had different taste,” Steve offers flatly.

“Sure,” Bucky says hesitantly, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“You,” Steve says, his voice defeated.

Bucky’s shoulders slump. “Steve…”

“I’m not jealous,” Steve insists, and he doesn’t sound it. Of course he doesn’t. Even if he were jealous, he’d never take it out on Bucky. “Of course she likes you. Of course they all like you. You’re always so smooth, opening doors and dressed to the nines when taking girls out.”

“I don’t dress any nicer than you,” Bucky points out.

“But you look _good,_ ” Steve answers immediately. “You can come pick up a girl straight off the docks and she’d still swoon all over you, you’re handsome enough without it.”

Bucky smirks. “Ya think so?”

Steve looks suddenly sheepish, as if he hadn’t really paid attention to what he was saying. “Look, it’s fine,” he shrugs, pushing past Bucky’s arm as he walks to the front of their building. “It’s been this way since we were kids. It isn’t your fault girls like you better. I’m used to it by now. I’m just getting a little old to not have been kissed, that’s all.”

Bucky doesn’t say anything for a minute, standing still at the foot of the stairs as Steve starts up them, exhausted and grumpy. When Steve looks back at him, Bucky just shrugs. “Okay.”

Steve’s brow furrows. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Bucky runs to meet him, grabbing his arm as he passes him to tug him the rest of the way up the steps.

“What’re we doing?” Steve asks, alarmed as Bucky leads him into their apartment before slamming the door behind them.

“Getting you your first kiss,” Bucky answers, his hand shaking a little as he locks the door.

“What’re you talking about?” Steve asks snappishly. He’s getting frustrated that they haven’t moved on to a different subject by now, shucking his coat and throwing it over the couch. “You’re screwy as a -”

Bucky cuts him off, mouth pressed hard against his lips, and Steve freezes. When Bucky pulls back, he looks disappointed. Steve looks as if he’s forgotten how to blink.

“What -?” Steve manages, eyes wide, and Bucky only looks grumpier.

“Shut up a sec, I can do better than that,” he says finally, grabbing Steve’s face and tilting it up for a better angle. Steve lets his mouth fall open against Bucky’s, and Bucky slides his tongue into his mouth, holding Steve’s head still when he jolts in surprise.

When Bucky breaks away again, Steve says breathlessly, “You - you…” but his accusation falls short of anything further.

Bucky waits a moment before prompting, “Do you like it?” Steve’s mouth hangs open another second before he nods. “Do you want me to stop?” Steve shakes his head, a hand reaching up to fist in Bucky’s hair and pull him back into the kiss. 

He meets Bucky’s mouth with force this time, all eager inexperience, and Bucky smirks into the kiss, leading him back against the door for leverage, forcing control of the kiss. Steve gasps as his back hits wood, his fingers clenching briefly in Bucky’s hair. Bucky pulls away, thinking he’s done something wrong, and Steve whimpers at the loss.

“Steve?” The light in their apartment is dim, but Bucky can see his face is pink, his eyes darker than usual. He feels a proud sort of flutter in his chest. “You all right?”

“Yeah.” His voice sounds different. Lower. 

Bucky rolls a thumb over his face. “So, how was it?” he asks cheekily, “You don’t gotta lie just ‘cause I’m your best friend. If I didn’t get a good shave or something, go ahead and lay it on me.”

Steve swallows hard. “Yeah,” he says again.

Bucky smirks, and Steve blinks, looking abruptly nervous. “You’re not just messing with me, are you?”

Bucky’s smile vanishes. “Look who you’re talking to, pal.”

Steve shakes his head. “Doing me a favor, then. Like standing up for me against those girls. Like an obligation. This isn’t -”

“Stevie,” Bucky says softly, “Stevie, relax. I like it, too.”

Steve nods, believing, and Bucky kisses him again. It’s chaste this time, just a soft press of lips, but Steve seems drawn into it, his hands finding their way back to Bucky’s hair. Bucky’s never kissed anyone so _responsive_ before. When he pulls away again, Steve moans.

“Steve…”

Steve’s fingers trail down Bucky’s face, hesitant and light, as if he’s never touched anyone before. He hasn’t, Bucky realizes, never like this. Bucky’s the only one he’s ever had this close. Bucky lets out a quiet breath. “Steve,” he tries again.

“I’ve never done anything,” Steve says suddenly, and Bucky feels very abruptly out of his depth.

“Oh.”

Steve looks abnormally shy. Bucky’s never seen that look on his face before when talking to him, like he regrets what he said. Bucky hates that he put that look on his face. He leans forward and kisses Steve again, a quick peck before pulling back. “Is that - do you...want…”

Steve hesitates, and Bucky notices his expression change. He’s cringing, his breathing noticeably faster than usual, and Bucky kneels down in front of him. “Steve? Steve, I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want, okay?”

“Don’t,” Steve says sharply, “Don’t do that, not you.” Bucky sits back on his heels, and Steve sighs. “Everybody looks down on me because I’m sick and small and now you’re gonna treat me like a dame.”

“I won’t.” Bucky’s voice comes out wounded, shocked that Steve would think so little of him. 

“It isn’t ‘cause I can’t get girls,” Steve snaps back, accusatory, but Bucky only nods.

“I know.”

“ _You_ kissed _me_.”

“I remember,” Bucky says with a smirk, but Steve just glowers at him. Bucky’s face falls. “Did you not want me to?” When Steve doesn’t answer right away, Bucky pulls away from him as if he’s been burned. “I - you said, so I thought -”

“You didn’t just kiss me ‘cause - ‘cause you knew you’d get to be the wolf with me? Just ‘cause I’m _obviously_ not, right?”

Bucky rolls his eyes, an easy shrug in his shoulders. “Steve, you’ve never been _obviously_ anything.” Before Steve can glare at him again, Bucky reaches up and cups his face. “I kissed you ‘cause I wanted to.” Steve huffs, but Bucky talks over him. “You said you’d never been kissed. I’d never been anyone’s first kiss. I wanted to see what it was like same as you.”

Steve’s eyes drop to the floor but Bucky only tilts his head to keep his gaze. “I just wanna give you what you want, Steve. Now can I kiss you again or what?” Steve nods, but doesn’t give him the chance to before kissing him first. Bucky’s smiling when he breaks away. “I’m not gonna take charge of you,” he assures gently, “I dunno if you’ve noticed, but I’ve never had that ability.”

“Yeah, you have,” Steve says quietly, almost too quiet for Bucky to hear. Bucky squints at him, and Steve gives him a maudlin smile. “I mean, yeah, _just_ you, but...always you.” His smile fades, and he adds, “I hate it. I hate that I want…”

Bucky perks up at the phrase _I want_ , but Steve never finishes his thought. “Okay,” he says finally, “That’s okay. I can kiss you, right?”

Steve nods shyly, and Bucky moves to kiss down his throat. Steve yelps in surprise, and Bucky snickers against his skin, letting his kisses get slowly more aggressive as they make their way down to the base of Steve’s neck. He nips once, quick and gentle, and listens to the way Steve’s breath catches.

“Buck…” Steve doesn’t sound like he has anything to say, his voice fading as Bucky’s hand slides to cradle the back of Steve’s head, letting it lull back as he trails kisses back up to under Steve’s jaw.

His voice is soft when he tries to goad Steve again. “Trust me, Stevie, c’mon.”

“Trust you,” Steve answers back dazedly, gentle fingers carding through Bucky’s hair. “Do that again.” Bucky doesn’t question him, kissing back up the column of Steve’s throat until he finds the sweet spot just below Steve’s ear. At the soft purr of contentment Steve lets out, Bucky gives in and bites it gently.

Steve jolts, the sound in his throat cutting off to a shrill chirp of surprise before melting into a moan, and Bucky chuckles as Steve slumps back against the door. Bucky lets his free hand skate along the waist of Steve’s slacks. “Trust me?” he asks genuinely, breath cooling the bite on Steve’s skin.

Steve nods, and Bucky opens Steve’s pants, pulling his cock out and giving it a few firm strokes. Steve turns abruptly to putty in Bucky’s hands, his knees dropping his weight as if they’d been swept out underneath him. Bucky catches him against the wall with both hands, and Steve groans at the loss of friction.

Bucky scoops him in his arms and drops him onto the couch before Steve can complain. It’s too cold to remove any of Steve’s layers, so Bucky drapes over his lap, rolling his hand slow and firm over Steve’s cock. Bucky has seen it before. The times Steve’s been too sick to bathe himself, or the winter he got hypothermia so bad he nearly lost his mind and Bucky found him stripped of all his clothes huddled under the bed.

He knew this would be different than that, but he wasn’t really prepared for how different. Steve flushed and moaning above him, his cock hard and heavy in Bucky’s hand. He stares for moment before glancing up at Steve’s face. “Steve…” he says gently, and Steve forces his chin down to meet Bucky’s eyes.

For a split second, there’s only silence, and then Bucky ducks his head and slides his mouth over Steve’s dick.

Steve’s body goes tense and he groans, long and loud, dropping back against the couch. “Buck..” Steve sounds faded, like he wants to be scandalized, but he can’t remember why. His legs spread wide, and Bucky crawls closer.

Bucky had been expecting an awful taste, or discomfort, but neither the taste or the stretch of his mouth is unpleasant. He doesn’t dislike it at all. He feels a sense of power in the way he can watch Steve break apart, listen to he debauched noises he’s making. Steve’s hips shift against his lips and Bucky groans.

“ _Fuck!_ ” Anything worse than ‘damn’ so rarely leaves Steve’s mouth that Bucky freezes, causing Steve to work his hips again, keening helplessly. He looks up to see Steve’s face twisted with a mix of shock and arousal. “I - I…” Bucky swallows nervously, and Steve’s eyes flutter. “Bucky,” he sounds breathless, helpless, and Bucky stops moving.

Steve’s mouth falls open. “N - no, don’t...don’t stop,” he whines, his voice rough and quiet and sends a spark down Bucky’s spine. “Please don’t stop, Bucky, pl - please.”

Bucky swallows hard and rolls his lips back to the head and down again, letting his tongue drag over the underside. Steve’s frail, cold fingers clench in his hair and something unspools in Bucky’s chest. Steve likes this. He wants it. Bucky flicks his eyes back to Steve’s face, watching the surprise melt away. 

He listens to the way Steve’s words peter in and out as Bucky moves forward and back. Mostly Bucky’s name, over and over, quiet little pleas and approvals that make Bucky moan again, and Steve’s grip on his hair tightens. “Bucky…”

He comes without warning, a sound as if he’d been punched in the gut exploding out of him, and Bucky swallows him down, shivering at the wrecked little sounds Steve makes before Bucky pulls off of him.

The look on Steve’s face is familiar. The barely-there expression he gets from cough medicine, the flushed face of his fevers, but his eyes are different, dark and heavy and alive, and Bucky can’t help himself, pushing up on his knees to kiss him.

Steve pulls back abruptly, making a face, and Bucky giggles, licking his lips. “I kinda like it,” Bucky admits, and Steve’s face changes, eyes wide.

“Yeah?” He sounds foggy, his voice scratchy from shouting. Bucky nods, licking his lips again, and Steve watches transfixed.

“Yeah,” Bucky answers back, grabbing onto Steve’s arms. “Steve…” he crawls onto the couch and pulls Steve into his lap. He only means to kiss him, but Steve whimpers and shifts against the stiffness in his slacks.

Steve’s pants are still pushed down, and Bucky groans at the feel of his bare ass rutting up against him, even through his own layers. “Steve -” Bucky whispers, his voice strained, but it only makes Steve move faster.

“Is this okay?” Bucky grits through his teeth, trying not to move until Steve answers, but Steve hasn’t even stopped moving.

“Feels good,” Steve admits loosely, burrowing his fingers in Bucky’s shirt as his hips stutter in their rhythm. Bucky’s breath catches as he rocks back into the friction. “God, feels - move faster.” Bucky grabs onto his hips and thrusts up, and Steve moans, falling forward to bury his face in Bucky’s shoulder.

“Harder,” Steve whimpers, and Bucky’s head spins. Steve is nipping at his throat, his fingers finding their way back into Bucky’s hair. Bucky thrusts up against him harder, his slacks stretched tight between his cock and Steve. Steve who’s moaning like he’s lost his mind, rocking back against Bucky like he can’t stop.

“God, Steve,” Bucky watches him writhing and moaning, shuddering from his own oversensitivity and Bucky whimpers. He’s embarrassingly close, and Steve’s hips are only pushing harder against him. “You’re so -” Steve pushes his chest hard, pressing him back against the couch, and Bucky shivers.

“I want - wanna make you come,” Steve babbles, and Bucky feels heat rush over his face.

“Shit,” Bucky manages, breathless, and Steve looks up as if his head is attached to a string. He must not have realized he’d spoken aloud, because a look of horror crosses over his face, and his already pink face flushes scarlet.

“I - I’m sorry -” he says awkwardly, his whole body freezing so suddenly Bucky has to clench his teeth against a groan. “I wasn’t - I…”

“It’s okay, God, Steve, it’s -” Bucky bites his lip to keep from moving, “I liked it, Steve, say it again.”

“Oh.” It’s another awkward moment before Steve starts moving again, much slower than he had been until Bucky lets out a loud breath through his teeth. Steve swallows, still blushing all the way down his throat to where his skin disappears under his shirt collar. After some hesitation, he repeats, his voice low, “I wanna make you come.”

“ _Shit,_ ” Bucky says again, throwing Steve back against the armrest of the couch and pinning him still, rutting shamelessly against his naked hip. Steve’s eyes are bright and unblinking, panting obscenely as Bucky’s hair falls into his face.

Steve keens and Bucky picks up speed, moving hard enough to make the sofa creak. Steve watches his face as he talks, words rolling off his tongue that Bucky would hardly even expect to hear from his friends at the docks. “Want you to fuck me, Bucky, God - _please_. I’ll be good for you, I will. Want you to come, Bucky, please, I need - need it -”

Their walls are paper thin and their neighbors already eye them suspiciously, so Bucky bites down on his lower lip and covers Steve’s mouth with his hand. Steve shivers, falling silent as he goes limp in Bucky’s hold, and it’s like a switch is suddenly flipped.

Bucky comes, shuddering with a quiet whimper before dropping against Steve, bracing himself against the armrest to keep from putting too much weight on him. He moves his hand from Steve’s mouth to see him smiling dazedly.

He runs his fingers down Steve’s jaw. “Was - that was okay?” Steve nods, and Bucky drops forward to kiss his neck. He kisses down and back, Steve tipping his chin up to give him better access. Bucky slides a hand down Steve’s chest before tucking underneath him and pulling him close.

They can’t sleep like this, not on their lumpy old couch, but they fit together easily enough, and Bucky doesn’t want to move yet. He skates his fingers down Steve’s back, able to feel the knobs in his spine through the fabric of his shirt. With a frown, Bucky remembers how he’d slammed Steve against the armrest and slides a hand up his shirt to see if he’d bruised him.

“Sorry if I - your back…”

Steve shakes his head. “I liked it.”

Bucky licks his lips and lets himself remember that for another time. He doesn’t realize how long he’s letting his thoughts get the better of him before a light tug on his shirt collar brings him back.

“Bucky,” Steve’s voice is thick as he reaches up to brush sweaty hair from Bucky’s face. He doesn’t say anything else, so Bucky laughs. Steve’s face scrunches in confusion, and Bucky feels suddenly foolish.

“It’s nothing, I just, uh, I haven’t done it like that since the orphanage,” he says awkwardly. He doesn’t know what he expects from the confession, but Steve’s eyes seem light up at the thought, and Bucky feels a thrill twist in the pit of his stomach.

“You’ve got a lot to teach me, then,” Steve tells him coyly before tugging him down for a kiss.

“Yeah,” Bucky breathes against his mouth. He pulls back to look Steve in the eye, and Steve pouts from the shorted kiss. “I want to,” Bucky says after a moment, “Teach you everything, I mean. I want to give you - whatever you want.”

Steve looks startled by that, but Bucky can’t understand why. He’s always been willing to give Steve everything. He’d die for him without a second thought. He was sure Steve knew that. “Buck..” Steve murmurs, sounding awed, but he shouldn’t. He should know this.

“I love you,” Bucky says suddenly, and the moment it’s out of his mouth he wonders why he hadn’t said it earlier, when Steve was pressed panicked against the door. “I love you, Steve, you - you know that.”

Steve nods, but he looks flabbergasted. His lips part as if he’s going to say something, but nothing comes out. He doesn’t even look like he’s breathing. Bucky doesn’t want to interrupt him, so he stays silent. Finally, Steve manages, “You love me?”

“Yeah.” Bucky wants to say something more than that, but his chest is starting to feel tight. Steve is looking at him with an expression he’s completely unfamiliar with. Like he’s nervous. Like he’s scared. Like he doesn’t believe him. Bucky belatedly adds, “You knew, I know you knew.”

“Not -” Steve swallows hard, “Like the same way you love girls? I thought - I thought you...how could I have known that?”

Bucky laughs a little hysterically. “Well when I kissed you, for one,” he says with all the teasing he can muster, but Steve still looks like Bucky’s speaking a completely different language. “Why shouldn’t I love you?” he asks finally.

Steve looks more thrown by that question than anything else. “Why _should_ you?”

The tightness in Bucky’s chest suddenly snaps, a sharp pain that causes him to let out a quiet _woosh_ of breath. “Steve,” he whispers, and Steve goes quiet. “Steve, you’re everything.”

“I’m sick,” Steve says softly, and it sounds odd, the way he says it now, like it matters to him in a way he’s never admitted before. “All the time.”

“You never let it stop you,” Bucky answers without missing a beat, kissing Steve’s jaw.

“I’m puny,” Steve points out, but Bucky just shakes his head.

“You’re beautiful,” he mumbles, kissing down Steve’s throat, “Always been so - so beautiful.”

Steve shakes his head, disbelieving, but even as he does he asks, “Always?”

“Since I’ve known you,” Bucky admits, kissing over Steve’s shoulder, through his shirt. “I can’t - you’ve always been…” he trails off, and he can feel Steve’s eyes on him, watching for some sort of tic, waiting for him to reveal he’s been lying, but Bucky only pushes him back against the couch, peppering his neck and face with kisses.

“I love you,” he says again, and this time Steve lets out a quiet sigh. “I love you, I love you, I love you I love you...” He has no idea how many times he’s said it when he feels Steve’s fingers tightening in his hair. He curls tight against Bucky’s chest, and Bucky wraps his arms around him.

“Can I carry you to bed?” Steve hates being treated like he’s as small as he is. Bucky’s never carried him unless he’s too sick or hurt to walk. He swallows hard before adding tentatively, “Can I carry you to _my_ bed?”

Steve doesn’t respond for what feels like far too long before he nods, one arm looping around Bucky’s neck while the other stays clenched tight in Bucky’s hair. Bucky gets to his feet and carries him to their room, setting Steve gently in his cot. “I’m gonna clean up,” he says quickly, “I’ll be back.”

Steve looks as if he’s dozing when Bucky returns from the bathroom, but when he crawls next to him in bed, Steve shifts closer. “I’m glad it was you,” he says sleepily, burrowing into Bucky’s side. “Got my firsts. You deserve them.”

Bucky isn’t sure what that means, but he curls tight around Steve and pulls the blanket over them both. They usually share beds in the winter, but it’s different now. Bucky holds Steve to him like he’s made of something precious, like gold instead of glass. Steve nestles tighter against Bucky and sighs.

“I love you, too, I think.”

**Author's Note:**

> title from "Maps" by Yeah Yeah Yeahs 
> 
> GOD I swear I'm not dead I've been working on something RIDICULOUSLY LONG and ABSOLUTELY STUPID and I was going to come back with a bang and be the belle of the ball but it's been too difficult getting it beta'd and I wrote this while waiting around and my buddies said to publish it so here we are.


End file.
